


I've Never Heard Silence Quite This Loud

by doctornineandthreequarters



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:20:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: Buck and Eddie always talked. Even before they started dating, they were constantly talking to each other. It was perfectly common to find them on the couches chatting (usually about Christopher).Which is why the silence between them is shocking.---Or, a fight between Buck and Eddie reveals deeper issues for Eddie.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 335





	I've Never Heard Silence Quite This Loud

**Author's Note:**

> I saw some discourse on Tumblr about how no one talks about Eddie's abandonment issues and then this fic was born. Enjoy!

Buck and Eddie always talked. Even before they started dating, they were constantly talking to each other. It was perfectly common to find them on the couches chatting (usually about Christopher). 

Which is why the silence between them is shocking. 

Hen noticed it right away, seeing how Bucks stayed quiet at breakfast, mumbling about not getting enough sleep and avoiding Eddie’s gaze. The rest of the shift they were both quiet, only speaking when on a call before going back to deafening silence. 

After two days, Hen was tired of it. 

“Okay seriously,” Hen said, getting Chimney and Bobby’s attention. She had just watched Buck come upstairs, avoid Eddie’s gaze before retreating downstairs towards one of the trucks. Eddie had simply sighed before going to the bunks. “What is going on with those two?”

“It’s not our business,” Bobby said. 

“They’re out friends,” Hen pointed out. “And them not talking is weird.”

“Agreed,” Chimney said. “I asked Maddie, but she doesn’t know what’s going on with them.”

“If they want to come to any of us they will,” Bobby said, patience in his tone. Hen gave Bobby a look. 

“You’re not the tiniest bit concerned?”

“As their boss, it’s not affecting their job.”

“And as their friend?” Hen asked and Bobby sighed. 

“Like I said,” Bobby reiterated. “If they want to come to us, they will.” Hen pursed her lips. That wasn’t going to be good enough for her. She cared about both of them and wanted to make sure they were okay. 

She just had to figure out how.

* * *

When Hen had asked if Christopher and Denny wanted to have a playdate at the park, Eddie hadn’t thought much of it. The boys got along and often had playdates or sleepovers, so it wasn't an odd request. 

The boys were currently playing on the jungle gym, their laughter making Eddie smile, something that hadn’t been happening often over the last few days. Karen was nearby at the swings, pushing Nia. 

“You know,” Hen said, breaking the comfortable silence. “There’s this new restaurant Karen and I have been meaning to check out. We’re thinking about asking Chim and Maddie to babysit. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind taking Christopher too, if you and Buck wanted to tag along.”

“I don’t think either of us are in a double date mood,” Eddie said with a sigh. 

“Okay, what’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing.” Hen gave Eddie a look and he sighed. “It’s nothing.”

“You two have barely talked at work and Buck’s been avoiding you like the plague,” Hen said and Eddie sighed again. “I’m just worried about you both.”

“We had a fight.”

“This seems like more than just a fight.” Eddie’s mouth twisted into a line.

“It was just a disagreement at first,” Eddie said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I was frustrated with him after that fire the other day.”

“When he ran back in for that kid?” Eddie nodded. 

“And then I said something stupid.” Hen just waited for him to elaborate. “I just don’t like when he’s reckless and told him that. He claimed he wasn’t going anywhere, that he wasn’t going to abandon Chris and I.”

“Oh Eddie, you didn’t.” Eddie looked at Hen, seeing a sad look on her face. Clearly, she remembered what Eddie had said, well shouted, at Buck at the grocery store months ago.

“It just came out,” He said, with shame in his voice. “And now he won’t talk to me. He won’t answer my calls or read my texts. He’ll barely even look at me Hen.

“Eddie,” Hen said, gently patting his arm. “Do you think this goes a little deeper than just Buck?”

“I know it does,” Eddie said. “I just don’t know how to tell him that.”

“With your words.” Eddie shot Hen a look of disbelief. “Maybe he won’t talk to you, but that boy will always listen to you.” Eddie nodded with a sigh, noticing Karen coming over with the kids. “Just try.” She patted his arm again, sending him a kind smile before walking over to her wife. 

“Dad.” He squatted down as Christopher reached him.

“Did you have fun playing with Denny?” Christopher nodded with a smile, making Eddie smile. He glanced over at Hen and Karen, at the ease between the two women. Hen was right, he needed to talk to Buck. He looked back at Christopher, who was watching him curiously.

“Buddy, how do you feel about dinner at Buck’s?” Christopher nodded, a bright smile on his face. “Great. Let’s get going so we can grab some food.” And as they headed out of the park, Eddie just had to hope Buck would be willing to hear what he had to say.

* * *

Buck sighed as he closed the refrigerator. He needed to eat something, but he wasn’t in the mood for cooking. If he was being honest, he hadn’t been in the mood for anything since his fight with Eddie.

He could still hear the words Eddie had shouted at him. They had nestled under his skin, haunting his ever thought. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, which made being around Eddie harder.

He was torn from his thoughts by a knock at his door. 

“Buck!” As he opened the door, he was a little startled to see Christopher and Eddie. He avoided Eddie’s gaze, squatting down to hug Christopher.

“Hey buddy.” He hugged Christopher tightly, nestling his nose in Christopher’s hair, taking a moment to just breathe. Christopher just giggled, earning a slight smile from Buck. He stood up, noticing the bags Eddie was holding. 

“We brought Chinese food!” Christopher said with a smile. 

“You, uh, haven’t eaten yet, have you?” Eddie asked. Buck just shook his head, stepping aside to let them in. He could feel Eddie watching him, but he wasn’t ready to look at him. 

Instead, he focused on talking to Christopher. He could handle that for now.

* * *

Eddie had expected Buck to focus on Christopher. Buck’s love for his son was one of the reasons he had fallen for Buck in the first place. Not to mention that what Eddie needed to say to Buck couldn’t be said in front of Christopher. But now Christopher was asleep, having drifted off halfway through the movie.

Eddie was getting ready to speak up when Buck got up. Eddie followed after him. 

“Buck.”

“Bringing Christopher over was low and you know it.”

“I didn’t think you’d let me in if I was alone.” Buck huffed. “I just...you’ve been avoiding me for days now. We need to talk about it Buck.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Buck asked bitterly. “You think I’m to abandon you...again apparently.”

“Buck.”

“I didn’t abandon you Eddie,” Buck said, his eyes tearing up, “I was just trying to get my job back.”

“But we couldn’t talk,” Eddie said. “I know getting back to work was important to you and we’re all past the lawsuit but there was a time when I needed you. When Christopher and I needed you and you couldn’t be there.” Eddie glanced over at Christopher, who was fast asleep on the couch before glancing back at Buck. “He went through something traumatic. He needed you. I needed you. We both needed you and you left.” Buck sniffed fighting back tears, but there was also a look of recognition, as if something had clicked for him, lighting up behind his eyes. 

“Eddie.” The look of recognition melted to sadness. “I’m not Shannon.”

“I…” Eddie looked down. “I know that.” He felt Buck move closer, reaching for his hands. Eddie looked up, seeing Buck’s eyes watching him carefully. “It’s just..she left twice. I wasn’t enough and she left. And the other day...when you ran back into that fire without me, I just...that scared me so badly. I can’t lose anyone else Buck. I can't keep being the one that gets left behind.” He twisted his mouth into a line, trying not to cry. But Buck just closed the space between them.

“I’m sorry,” Buck said. “I’m sorry that I scared you the other day. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you both needed me. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever done anything to make you think that I wouldn’t be right by your side.” A few tears slipped down Eddie’s cheeks and Buck just brought his thumb up to wipe them away. Eddie leaned into the touch and Buck let his hands cradle Eddie’s face." Eddie, I made a promise to you; I have your back, every day.” 

Any resolve Eddie had crumbled as he fell forward into Buck’s embrace, colliding his lips with Buck. He gripped onto Buck’s hips as if they were the only lifeline keeping him afloat. Buck kept his hands on Eddie’s cheeks, cradling his face delicately as his lips slotted against Eddie’s. Something salty was falling towards his mouth and Eddie didn’t know if it was his tears or Buck’s. A sob bubbled from his throat and he pulled away just enough to bury his face in Buck’s shoulder. Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie, pressing kiss after kiss into his hair.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this sooner,” Eddie said, finally pulling away. “I guess I didn’t realize I had this issue.”

“Well I’m sure Frank would’ve gotten to it eventually.” Eddie let out a small scoff and Buck smirked. “We probably should get better at talking to each other, really talking to each other. But that’s something we can start conquering in the morning.” Eddie nodded and Buck wiped a few tears away. “You can head upstairs, I’ll get Christopher settled.” Eddie nodded and pressed a chaste kiss to his boyfriend’s lips before heading upstairs. Even in the darkness of the loft, Eddie was able to find the clothes he was looking for before settling down on the bed.

As he laid down on the bed, he realized how exhausted he was, how much the truth had taken out of him. And yet, he felt better than he had in days. 

He must’ve drifted off briefly, because the next thing he knew, Buck was pulling him close. He sighed as Buck’s nose brushed against his neck. He tilted his head down slightly, pressing a gentle kiss to Buck’s birthmark. 

“I love you,” Eddie murmured, his voice tinged with sleepiness. He felt Buck’s mouth shift into a smile and a sleepy smile crossed his face. 

“I love you too. And I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” And being wrapped up in Buck’s arms, his warm breath against Eddie’s neck, grounding him in that moment, Eddie had no reason not to believe him.

**Author's Note:**

> [Scream with me on my Tumblr?](doctornineandthreequarters.tumblr.com)


End file.
